Love is a dirty equation...
You are A, the person you fancy is B.
You fancy B because B is attractive.
The issue is that C, D and E agree that B is hot like a tamale.
In the history of the world noone has ever stayed with someone because they where, A. More intellectual, B. More Fun, C. Could recite more Christmas Carols.
You are judged on your fuckability...if you lose then you are fucked (or not as the case may be) but if you win you get a dirty whore bonus night.
You, my friend, will always lose.
Saturday 30 June 2012
Fish don't seem to respect the "Fist-Bump".
"You are an uneducated, uncultured moron, if a slug were to drag it's spineless, slimy body across my garden path I would feel more for it than if I had to shoot your pig-ugly, idiotic face with a shotgun whist your mother wept in the corner dying of cancer."
The above is an extract from the book "Art and it's 49 qualities". I wanted to think about "art" today, I put the word "art" in quotation marks because the word has lost all meaning in the last fuck-knows-how-many years. Art was once a majesty, a beautiful pictorial composition that took our breath away; today it is a splodge on a canvas.
I have recently finished an art degree (I would like to add that "finishing an art degree" is about triumphant as announcing you have "wiped after going number twos") and had the "pleasure" (you may have noticed I have used the good ol' quotation marks too many times during this blog, it is a good way of dissociating yourself from something, maybe Gerald Ratner should have done the same...this is a 90's joke and if you understood it maybe you should kill yourself) of visiting the Fine Art degree show (putting Fine Art in capitals infers more respect than is actually deserved), what I found at this "show" was a lot of shit, a ton of shit, a fuck load of shit infact.
I think we need to all face fact...art it shit...I could bang on for upwards of 400 words about the essence of art but what art is is nice things to look at, not a squiggly on a page, not a pile of sand with a stick in the top of it, not even a dead rat with a row of Christmas light protruding out of it's ass.
The issue here is not art per se but what toss-pots define as art, if you have ever been to an art exhibition (I am stupidly middle class) then you may be familiar with the stuck-up hipster dicks that populate these arenas. They stare at the canvas' of purple dots and declare that the "inner voice" of the artist is speaking out. They see a blank wall with a drawing pin stuck in it and talk about the "desperate angst of the protagonist". Do you know what the rest of us see? We see a load of purple spots, we see someone whose time would have been better spent learning how to serve up the appropriate amount of chips for a medium McMuggest meal, we see nearly £10,000 of loans wasted on a "painting" that would struggle to make 50p at auction.
I don't want to bang on too long (mainly because I will probably return to this subject soon and don't want to waste all my "good material") but we need to stand up as one and say...THAT IS SHIT...I LIKE RED BUT THERE IS TOO MUCH IN YOUR PAINTING...YOUR PHOTO OF A DOG DEFECATING IS NOT ONLY BORING BUT NOT VERY WELL FRAMED.
Please do not accept this "Fine Art" bullshit, if it is crap call it out! If you can get a picture then sent it to me and I will let you know the bullshit level on it; if there is a "Artist Statement" then PLEASE send it to me because they are like the spunky whipped cream on the bullshit cheesecake.
The above is an extract from the book "Art and it's 49 qualities". I wanted to think about "art" today, I put the word "art" in quotation marks because the word has lost all meaning in the last fuck-knows-how-many years. Art was once a majesty, a beautiful pictorial composition that took our breath away; today it is a splodge on a canvas.
I have recently finished an art degree (I would like to add that "finishing an art degree" is about triumphant as announcing you have "wiped after going number twos") and had the "pleasure" (you may have noticed I have used the good ol' quotation marks too many times during this blog, it is a good way of dissociating yourself from something, maybe Gerald Ratner should have done the same...this is a 90's joke and if you understood it maybe you should kill yourself) of visiting the Fine Art degree show (putting Fine Art in capitals infers more respect than is actually deserved), what I found at this "show" was a lot of shit, a ton of shit, a fuck load of shit infact.
I think we need to all face fact...art it shit...I could bang on for upwards of 400 words about the essence of art but what art is is nice things to look at, not a squiggly on a page, not a pile of sand with a stick in the top of it, not even a dead rat with a row of Christmas light protruding out of it's ass.
The issue here is not art per se but what toss-pots define as art, if you have ever been to an art exhibition (I am stupidly middle class) then you may be familiar with the stuck-up hipster dicks that populate these arenas. They stare at the canvas' of purple dots and declare that the "inner voice" of the artist is speaking out. They see a blank wall with a drawing pin stuck in it and talk about the "desperate angst of the protagonist". Do you know what the rest of us see? We see a load of purple spots, we see someone whose time would have been better spent learning how to serve up the appropriate amount of chips for a medium McMuggest meal, we see nearly £10,000 of loans wasted on a "painting" that would struggle to make 50p at auction.
I don't want to bang on too long (mainly because I will probably return to this subject soon and don't want to waste all my "good material") but we need to stand up as one and say...THAT IS SHIT...I LIKE RED BUT THERE IS TOO MUCH IN YOUR PAINTING...YOUR PHOTO OF A DOG DEFECATING IS NOT ONLY BORING BUT NOT VERY WELL FRAMED.
Please do not accept this "Fine Art" bullshit, if it is crap call it out! If you can get a picture then sent it to me and I will let you know the bullshit level on it; if there is a "Artist Statement" then PLEASE send it to me because they are like the spunky whipped cream on the bullshit cheesecake.
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